I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
