yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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