if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
