Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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