I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
