I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
