i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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