My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
