ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
