Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The air taste purple.
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