The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
