I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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