found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
