So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
