I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
