I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize