I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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