I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
