The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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