the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
