I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize