Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
