I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
