yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im holly from the hills drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
