plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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