remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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