Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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