my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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