And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
