Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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