My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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