You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
...so i touched it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
