youre lurking in front of me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
