Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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