I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize