Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
