What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize