my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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