We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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