Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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