3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
