I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize