hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
