Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
