Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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