We won't sleep together?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
