Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
