I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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