is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
