The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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