Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
