Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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