The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
