i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
