Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize