Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
