history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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