She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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