I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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