He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
