I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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