Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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